What is it about babies that makes everyone feel the need to touch them? They’re like tiny tractor beams for unsolicited rubs, pokes, and pats. Most of these unwanted gestures come without any warning or permission. One of our doctors even warned us about this bizarre phenomenon before we left the hospital: beware of germy hands that feel the need to fondle your little bundle of joy. It’s like people - men, women, kids, neighbors, grocery clerks, even hobos - just can’t resist. Why is this? Is there a chapter on this tribal baby-welcoming ritual that I somehow missed in the parenting handbook?
In a desperate attempt to combat this problem, we headed to Target and bought a cover for our stroller and car seat. Surely, this fabric force field would fend off the touchy-feely brigade, right? Wrong. People have no shame. They’ll happily lift the cover and touch away like it’s an open invitation.
Think about it: this is literally the only time in life where touching someone’s face seems socially acceptable. Babies can’t fight back, can’t swipe away the stranger’s fingers, and are forced to squint through the barrage of unwanted cheek pinches, head rubs, and chin yanks.
Want to have a little fun? Try this experiment: next time you’re at work, gently brush your hand across your boss’s face in the break room. Or when you’re at the coffee shop, reach across the counter and give the barista a little ear wiggle. Think they’ll appreciate it? Try pinching a stranger’s nose in the restroom. Go ahead, I dare you. See how well that goes.
So, consider this post a public service announcement for new parents, or anyone planning on having kids. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of dirty, grabby hands waiting to invade your baby’s personal space. Forget the fancy baby covers—maybe try a cardboard box around the stroller. It might be more effective. And to all you folks with sticky, greasy, eager fingers: stop touching without asking. If you don’t, be prepared for an annoyed parent to stick their fingers in your mouth.
Photography credit: Jeremy Padgett
