My wife came home the other day after picking up the kids from school, looking like she’d just survived a natural disaster. She walked through the front door, bags, and lunchboxes in tow, and held up a fistful of brightly colored envelopes. “You have got to be kidding me… four more!” she said, her voice teetering between disbelief and despair.
I barely had time to register what she meant before I launched myself face-first into the couch cushions, screaming, “NO NO NO!”
Four more birthday invitations. Four more weekends hijacked by random kids’ parties for classmates whose names I can barely pronounce, let alone remember. The nightmare continues.
Just a few days earlier, our son brought home three other invites, and last month we endured two birthday parties. Do the math, and suddenly our weekends are a never-ending cycle of attending parties for goofy classmates we've never even heard of. Parents, if you’re reading this and nodding in solidarity, you know exactly what I’m talking about—the relentless stream of cheerful card stock summoning your kids (and, by extension, you) to an afternoon of lukewarm pizza and cupcakes with more frosting than cake.
The most surprising invites, though, have come from our daughter’s preschool friends. These tiny three- and four-year-olds are apparently in desperate need of Frozen-themed attention. And yes, every single one of these parties is Frozen-themed. Every. Single. One.
Birthday parties are trending younger and younger, and I’m willing to bet it’s not because the toddlers are demanding epic bashes. No, this is the handiwork of Pinterest-obsessed parents trying to outdo each other in the realm of competitive celebrations. Gone are the days when you could wait until your kid hit elementary school before the birthday party circuit began. Now, parents are bombarded by over-the-top bashes for little blobs who can barely keep their diapers clean. Talk about excessive frosting.
Fun, right?
And let’s not even get started on the cost. Gifts for these adorable cherubs run about twenty bucks a pop (more if you want to maintain your status as the cool parent). With the number of invites we’re getting, that’s roughly 35 gifts a year. You’re looking at $700 annually on presents for kids your own child probably doesn’t even like!
But there’s hope. I have an idea. Why not create two massive birthday celebrations each year, one for the spring and summer birthdays, and another for the fall and winter babies? You’d knock out a huge chunk of parties all at once, freeing up your weekends and keeping your sanity intact.
And the gifts? Let’s scrap the traditional presents altogether and adopt the “fiver party” idea. Instead of buying gifts, each guest brings a five-dollar bill. The birthday kid can then save up and buy something they actually want, or even learn a little about money management. Less stress, less expense, and way fewer plastic toys cluttering up your house.
So, what do you think? Time to make the switch and save our Saturdays?
Photography credit: Jeremy Padgett
